You’ve probably heard the much-touted “fact” that roughly 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. While that number was never accurate in the first place, the divorce rate has been steadily declining for many years. However, declining doesn’t mean that divorce doesn’t still happen with a fair amount of regularity.
If you want to make sure your marriage stays strong, then it’s a good idea to avoid some of the most common causes of divorce out there today. Causes like…
Money is often quoted as the biggest reason couples get divorced (and it tends to remain in the top 5 most years), but as Divorce Magazine points out a lack of money is only onefactor that can lead to divorce. Because it’s true that being in constant financial straits will put a strain on your relationship, but that it’s the difference in financial habits and overall money goals that is even more likely to lead to marital troubles.
Even if you and your spouse have plenty of money in your household, you need to be on the same page when it comes to what you’re buying, and the rationale for it. If one partner is thrifty, and wants to make sure they have an adequate amount of money set aside for retirement, while the other one just can’t turn down a good deal, there’s going to be friction there. Even if there is enough money to pad the IRA and get a new fishing boat, the difference in attitudes can lead to the couple calling it quits.
#2: A Poor Foundation
There are a lot of great reasons to get married. The two of you have similar goals, you’re on the same page financially, you enjoy each other’s company, and you’re both willing to work on your relationship to make sure it lasts. However, there are also a lot of bad reasons to get married, and S. Dixon Law Offices having a poor relationship foundation is one of the major reasons a couple gets divorced.
What does that mean, exactly? A poor relationship foundation? Well, it’s a fancy term for saying you got married for the wrong reasons.
If you got married because you felt pressure from your friends and family to do so, then once that pressure is gone you often realize it was a bad idea. If you got married not because you want to, but because you felt an obligation because of a house, a pregnancy, or because it’s just what you’re supposed to do next in life, that will also end in divorce more often than not. You need to want to get married, and you need to want to marry the person you say your vows to.
#3: Lack of Individual Identity
When people get married, they tend to see themselves as part of a single whole. That’s fine, to an extent, but it’s also important to remember that each of you is an individual, with individual wants, needs, and desires.
If you find that you and your spouse do everything together, then you might start to feel smothered. It can lead to resentment and negative feelings, which can ferment over time. It’s important for each of you to have things you do on your own (hobbies, interests, independent friend groups, etc.), because if you spend all your time together you can begin to feel smothered by your marriage. When that happens, the next logical step is to get out of that marriage, and try to re-discover who you are according to the Huffington Post.
#4: Expectations Not Being Met
What do you do when you buy a product on Amazon, and it shows up at your house looking nothing like it did in the promotional pictures in the online catalog? Worse, it doesn’t even perform as advertised! In this instance, chances are good that you send it back, and demand a refund.
Marriage is often the same when it doesn’t meet people’s expectations according to Your Divorce Questions.
That’s why it’s important to approach marriage realistically. You need to understand the costs you’ll be facing, and the experience you should expect when you and your spouse say, “I do.” Don’t expect to just ride off into the sunset with the love of your life without sitting down and talking to them about what you’re going to do, and how things are going to work. Be realistic so that when you find yourself living a married life you aren’t disappointed that it doesn’t look like you thought it would.
#5: Lack of Communication
For all the jokes out there about the number of words men and women use in a day, communication is the corner stone of any successful relationship. And that goes double for a marriage, because lack of communication can be one of the major factors that contributes to a divorce, according to Marriage.
Communication isn’t just about making sure your day-to-day tasks get talked over (what you’re having for dinner, what plans are being made, when the kids’ big game is happening, stuff like that). It’s also about the bigger issues. It’s about opening up to your partner to talk about serious issues, and being vulnerable with each other. It’s about making sure you are honest, and trusting them to help you get things done. It’s about making sure that both of you are on the same page regarding both the little things, and the big stuff.
All too often, couples keep things to themselves, or they don’t talk about what really bothers them. They try to let things go, until the easily-resolved molehill has become a mountain. Couples can let little things like embarrassment, awkwardness, or even fear stop them from talking issues through, until those issues become serious enough that they’ve done lasting damage to a relationship.
If you love each other enough to get undressed and to sleep in the same bed, then you should be able to open your mouths to say what’s on your mind.
For more information about divorce, and what steps you need to take next if you feel it’s the right decision for you, simply contact us today!